I watched him walk to the end of the cliff and step over the edge…
How do I let go of a grudge?
How do I forgive someone that has wronged me?
How can I forgive myself?
If you’ve ever asked such questions, then I think the next few minutes of reading might be of use.
We often don’t like to think about Death. It’s a bit taboo and people would rather face the other way, which you can understand. It’s easy to pretend that we all haven’t walked off a cliff already, that we’re on our way down, and instead focus on the scenery as we drop… getting concerned with daily annoyances, career aspirations, family feuds.
Yet, when you wake up, when you see that you’re falling and that it’s only a matter of time before you hit the ground, suddenly things shift perspective. To the right perspective, I would argue.
After all, who cares about your career aspirations, family feuds or daily annoyances when you’re suddenly aware that you’re hurtling towards the ground?
Well, not that many people.
Recently I meditated on the death of my parents. Both are still alive and are doing well, but this is an exercise I try to do on a semi-regular occasion to remind myself that they won’t be. That life has one promise: it will end. And although somewhat morbid, I always leave the exercise with gratitude and true appreciation in my heart that they are still here.
So, here’s how you can use this powerful truth to help yourself, and others, through times that suck.
How do I let go of a grudge?
Use death: if that person was going to die tomorrow, would you still really hold a grudge against them? If that doesn’t work, what if you were going to die tomorrow. Would you still, really, be using energy on a grudge?
Just think about it… Even if this person had destroyed your life, abused you and taken all you had. If all you had left was one day, would you really spend your last day on this planet thinking about them, or let it go and choose to spend it on something that made you happy instead?
How do I forgive someone that has wronged me?
Use death: if they called now and said they had 24 hours left to live, would you be able to forgive them? And deeper still, it’s not them you are forgiving, it is yourself you’re allowing to let go.
When we don’t forgive we create a dark chest in our mind filled with poison, negativity and burden. We put a lock on it and say to ourselves “I can’t let it go, I can’t forgive them”.
But who are you forgiving? After the person dies, do you still not forgive them even though they aren’t around anymore? Or did you just keep a part of your happiness and freedom imprisoned the entire time?
Seems to me that you created your own dark chest of a secret to keep and you had the key the whole time. So, unlock it and let it go. Only you can do that, no one else.
How do I forgive myself?
Use genuine love: imagine you had a child that you truly loved, truly wanted the best for. Imagine this child came to you and told you that they did something terribly wrong. They really fucked up. They can’t forgive themselves.
What would you tell your child? Spend a minute writing down what you would say to them, but it must be true and honest.
Finished?
Whatever you’ve written down, that is what you ought to do yourself.
My version is something like the following: “OK, you’ve clearly messed up kid. But what’s done is done. Now get up, go and do your absolute best to correct the mistake you made, and once you’ve done that, let it go. No one benefits from you beating yourself up any more than necessary.”
We all make mistakes, that’s just part of being human.
The other part of being human is being able to get beyond our mistakes.
Parting Question
Which grudge could you let go today?
Who could you forgive today?
I hope this has been of value, you can let me know in the comments. And remember AFQ: Always Follow Quality.
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Pareto Path 
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